On Falling back in love again

Sunday has rolled around again, my loves. This week was a little slower for me, but that’s a good thing. That means my time was well-managed! I got so much done that I was able to go to bed at decent times! Woo-hoo!

Gratitude for this week

Something funny that happened this week…on my regular evening walk/run (it’s mostly a walk, I’m not gonna lie), I cracked up. Each of the neighborhoods in my area have big brick walls and some bougie ass name on it to announce that you’ve arrived at “Fakename Kensington Place” or something to that effect. I’m just walking along, minding my own business, when I saw a kid walking and dancing on top of the bricks. His moves were pretty good, but they had me doubled over in laughter because it wasn’t something I’d have ever expected to see. But the funniest part was he looked mortified that someone caught him experiencing unbridled joy and jumped off and ran away so fast.

This week, I was proud of myself because… my journals are finally coming in the mail! I’m so excited about these journals, they’re my babies! They are the same as the printables that are already available, but spiral notebook versions. They will be online soon, keep an eye out! And don’t forget about my big books of self-care. These will be out on Black Friday.

My favorite part of this week hasn’t happened yet, but I’m going to say that it’s going roller skating this evening. I haven’t been roller skating since, what… elementary or middle school?  My date’s really fun, so this should be an adventure. Remember that time I stood up and walked through an entire day without tripping or falling? Yeah, neither do I, as it’s never happened. It will be hilarious, and I’m going to make sure I have plenty of video.

Weekly Affirmations

Affirmation from last week:

I am grateful for every gift that I receive.

I am so grateful for all the little and big things that have happened this week. I think the biggest gift I got was the feedback on my big-books of self-care. Everyone that saw them on Instagram, really loved them! I am loving that something that I made for myself can help other people! Mission accomplished!

The little things I was grateful for this week included being able to just get outside and also watching the rainfall. It was nice for a weather change up! It was actually cold in Florida… well Florida-cold, I guess. It was nice to put on a hoodie or sweatshirt and just chill.

I was grateful that I actually had time to cook this week and to start another project. Time is on my side, once again. A friend of mine was supposed to help me with said project, and she couldn’t in the end. And instead of being annoyed, I was like, “Yay, I get to learn how to do something new on my own!”

My perspective has changed a lot. It’s amazing. I never thought that thinking differently would have such an impact on my life, but it all really started in my thoughts. What was that thing in the movie Inception?

“Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it’s almost impossible to eradicate.”

Gratitude has taken hold of my brain, and it’s not going anywhere.

One absolutely hilarious thing/gift happened on Friday night. I’m getting out of the shower and I don’t have my contacts in. I can’t see without my glasses or contacts, no joke.  I grab my phone and keep hitting the lock button, thinking it was the volume. I ended up calling the police. Apparently, that’s a safety feature on iPhones, and I had no idea.  They called me back, but I didn’t answer because I was toweling off and getting dressed. Next thing I know, there’s a knock at the door, and a cop’s there with a flashlight like, “Hey, are you okay?”

And I’m just staring at him like,” Why are you here? Did I break the law in the shower?”

It made me think of this joke from Johnny Bravo, where he’s like, “Hello, 911 emergency? There’s a handsome stranger in my house! Wait a second, cancel that. It’s only me!

I started giggling and said, “I’m okay, but did I call you?”

Then the police officer explained about the phone safety feature. So, if you didn’t know, now you know. I learned something that could save my life that night. Gifts come in the weirdest packaging.

Affirmation for this week:

I love that I am real, rather than perfect!

You’re reading the words of a recovering perfectionist. I thought that, in life, if I could show up and seem perfect on the outside, no one would know how messed up and flawed I was on the inside. In doing so, I was never in touch with my true self. It started with finally having a perfect smile in middle school, and then I kind of lost control after that. Everything about myself became this elaborate dance of chasing perfection.

When my perfect veneer was blown or cracked… my family moved to a different place and I started the dance all over again. Was that healthy? Nope. Did I know any better? Also no. When I was first hospitalized in my early 20s, the doctors and staff had a time getting anything out of me, because I was still in this fantasy that if I could convince them of my perfection, they’d let me go home. And sadly, it worked many times.

I never faced my traumas, plastered a big, bright, and perfect smile on my face and continued about this perfection dance. Then when I turned 30 and my life flipped upside down, I couldn’t fake it anymore. I had to face my traumas, flaws, and let out emotions that I rarely let anyone but myself see.

For the last year, I’ve embraced who I truly am and I’ve fallen back in love again. I’m the girl that farts in her sleep and wakes up because it scares her. I’m a person that can’t get through a day without tripping or falling over a piece of sand. I spill food on my shirt while eating and stain just about everything I own. I lost a charcuterie board that I had just made on Friday night, and I still can’t find it on Sunday. I make weird mistakes all the time and laugh at the most inappropriate moments. My eyebrows never match when I put on makeup. I lose just about everything I touch, most recent loss? I can’t find my birth control and I have no clue where it went. I cry when I need to, and I can’t laugh without snorting most days. I forget to do things all the time, yet remember the smallest detail about someone’s life to the point that it creeps them out a little. If given the choice between dancing in front of a stadium or being robbed at gunpoint…I’d probably just take my wallet out and be like, “Here ya go, fam.”  I feel everything much more deeply than anyone I know, and I love hard and forgive quickly.

I’m just me. That’s just who I am. And, I love it.

Letting go of being perfect to embrace and love this absolute goofball was a challenge and a joy.

Journal Prompts

It wouldn’t be a Sunday post without some journal prompts attached. These are about perfectionism, as well.

How can you attain imperfection? What do you need to stop doing?

Do you compare yourself to others on social media and their perfect lives? What do you think they have that you don’t?

What mistake do you make constantly that your inner-critic is meanest about? How can you accept and embrace this flaw?

That’s all for me today. Don’t forget to keep an eye on my Tuesday newsletter! Black Friday is next week! That means deals, gifts, and plenty of time to get some great gifts! Put your email in below and get ready for some steals! Have a great week!