I had an interesting thought yesterday that seemed worth writing about today. I know I’ve been through a lot of hard things. Even this year has been marked by my grandmother passing away, hospitalizations, and disappointments galore. Last year was a complete doozy, as well. But there were so many good moments in between.
I got to thinking… my life has been truly lived. Much like how my favorite pair of Chuck Taylors are ripped, faded, and glued together in random places… those shoes have been everywhere with me. They’ve been to the Giza pyramids and the Eiffel Tower. I treasure those shoes because of how beat up they are. They’re lived in and loved dearly. I should look at my life as fondly as I look at those shoes.
Bipolar 2 means highs and lows that are unpredictable, and I guess I comfortably fit the definition of crazy. But I can’t say that I’ve been bored or am boring. Somehow, I’ve managed to go to almost every continent. I’ve had some irreplaceable and inimitable experiences. Not many folks can say that they kissed the ground when they got off a plane flying over Afghanistan for ten hours or gotten lost in a corn maze in Idaho while being followed around by Neo-Nazis (long story for another time).
Looking back, I’ve lived in some fantastic places and met some amazing people in the process. Adventure has been out there, and I’ve gotten my Ellie badge many times over. This dawned on me as a friend was counseling me via text. I need to be grateful for the opportunities that I have, instead of sad about what I lost or don’t have.
What am I grateful for at the moment?
- My health and picking up gardening again
- My sweet ass dance moves and the confidence that they’re awesome
- Red wine, the brownies I baked yesterday, and Rick & Morty
- This playlist on Spotify that makes me smile no matter what
- My giant teddy bear and Aztec Clay face masks
- My sense of humor and my hair growing out
- The amount of love and passion I give to stuff I care about
- Friends that help me pull my head out my ass like every other day
What will I be looking forward to in the future?
- The end of the ‘rona and sweater weather
- Forgiving myself for past and future mistakes
- Going on another adventure to somewhere I’ve never been
- Falling more in love with my goofy ass and imperfections
- School, new friends, and activities
- Restarting working out
- Accepting the things I can and can’t change
- Showing off those sweet ass dance moves at more music festivals
I’m at a point where I’m trying to replace my negative thoughts with more positive ones. It’s a Dialectical Based Therapy (DBT) skill. It’s harder than it sounds, but I’m trying. Mindfulness has never been my strong suit, but that and several friends are helping me see through my own bullshit plus getting me out of my own way.
So I’ll end this post with one of my favorite quotes from the book I Love You Like a Tomato by Marie Giordano. It’s gotten me through many rough times, and will soon be tattooed on my body whenever that ‘rona decides to leave.
Be brave and do hard things.-Nonna