In movies and TV shows, they often have a dream girl. She’s the object of the guy’s fantasy. She’s ethereal, mysterious, and completely out of his league. By the end of the show or movie, the guy has his dream girl and they’re happily ever after.
The dream is the goal, and it’s always accomplished. If only it worked like that in real life, right?
This fall, I began chasing a dream girl of sorts. Not a partner, although having a girlfriend would be just as wonderful as a boyfriend. No, I mean myself. But not in the way you think. It wasn’t about achieving the perfect figure or learning how to do makeup perfectly or doing something different to attract a guy. My dream girl is a little unusual, because my dream girl is myself!
I wanted to attract my dream version of myself. My highest self. The woman that I will be proud to become. The woman that I imagined I would be when I was a small girl, with some adjustments, of course. I’m am not completely her, but I’m trying hard and succeeding at becoming her.
My highest self is not based upon material possessions or comparison to others. Although I like nice things, the main objective in this kind of self-discovery is what would bring me peace and cause the amount of joy I feel every day. “Comparison is the thief of joy,” I think Teddy Roosevelt said that one. The only person I want to measure myself with is future myself. I want to be able to ask myself with every choice and new addition to my life, “Is this getting me where I want to go?”
If not, bye bye! It doesn’t need to be a part of my life.
How did I figure out the qualities of my dream girl? I had to get my mind right first. I meditated and imagined the life that I want. I also googled values and chose the ones that I believed in the most. From there, I came up with this list.
My dream girl:
- Is confident in her decisions
- Knows exactly what she wants
- Loves herself and shows up authentically always
- Wants to take chances and invest in herself
- Builds herself up and doesn’t degrade herself on down days
- Isn’t afraid to feel all of her emotions
- Is independent but still asks for help
- Has gotten everything in her life on her own merit
- Has empathy and shares love with everyone
- Has good friends and plenty of support
- Does not need to imitate or compete with anyone
- Shares her light and joy with others
- Knows when to rest and practice self-care
- Is grateful for everything that she has
The beauty of my dream girl list is that it’s not set in stone. I can change, remove or add qualities as I see fit. This makes me feel more like that I will be able to achieve these goals.
For example, an aspect of my dream girl that I still need to decide on is where she lives! I’m kind of all over the place when it comes to knowing where I want to be. I’ve moved so much as a military child and as an adult as a service member. Some days, I want to live in Paris and other days, Morocco seems like the place to be! Then there’s Bali and NYC, there’s so many choices. What about Brazil or Costa Rica?! And then again, there’s good old Orlando, right where I am. The main reason I want to move is to continue growing. I want to be around new ideas and new people. I feel stagnant whenever I’m in a place for too long. When I lived in Destin, FL, I used to just run away some weekends and go to New Orleans or Atlanta or even as far away as Seattle, because I just needed a change of scenery. I’ve got a serious case of wanderlust, and you can imagine how frustrating this pandemic is for a nomad like me!
How am I becoming my dream girl? By showing up as her as often as I can until the behavior becomes permanent. I am already my dream girl, so all the things she needs and wants to become will come in their own time. I’ve already reset my way of thinking this year, by changing my mindset from fixed to growth. I’ve become grateful for all the blessings, no matter how they are wrapped. I’ve learned to let go of things and people that are not good for me. And I am embracing everything that life is offering.
It’s been a process becoming her, and some days, I can’t hang. And I don’t beat myself up for it, simply because my dream girl doesn’t beat herself up when she’s down. It’s a beautiful thing, even when I can’t do everything that my dream version of myself does, I’m still being her by propping myself up and resting.
Transforming into my dream girl is transforming into everything I had hoped and wished I could be, but never made the effort to actually become. You know when you sit and scroll through Instagram thinking “I wish I had that body” but then don’t go work out or change your diet. I used to do that about who I wanted to be as a person. And honestly, I think a lot of people do that. And I also think that it’s okay. Change is work, and it’s very difficult.
Take this moment and consider your dream girl (or guy, or wherever you are on the gender spectrum) and what qualities they have.
What does your dream version of yourself look like?
Where do you live?
What do you do for fun?
Who do you surround yourself with?
What makes you happy?
Where is your life taking you?
You’ll be surprised at what you come up with! Don’t forget to sign up for my Tuesday newsletter. I’m gonna make an offer you can’t refuse! See you guys on Friday!