I truly expected to be fine afterward. I thought that a week of alone time, plus meeting some really wonderful people would change my outlook forever. Don’t get me wrong, going on a trip and making new friends made a huge difference. Prior to going, I’d forgotten what it was like for people to text and make plans with me. It was so nice to be appreciated and accepted by my new friends, and I’m happy that we keep in contact now. In meeting them, I got a good reminder that I was not a bad person.
I think my soul searching trip did everything in terms of reading self-help books, dancing a lot, and getting one of my goals crossed off my bucket list. However, I didn’t really deal with the extent of how I felt inside. Sure, I was laughing and having a great time. I needed fun to heal, without question. But I know now that if I hadn’t gotten help, I’d more than likely still be running from the pain instead of facing it.
My previous method of staving off pain, especially from breakups, was to get dolled up, get drunk, and replace, replace, replace. I never allowed myself to grieve or to take my time. I was Jay-Z in my dating strategy
Although I’d made a conscious decision to handle things differently this time around, I didn’t realize that I had done all that I could do for myself. I went to Pranic healing sessions, therapy once a week, and exercised six days a week. I had new friends from the music festival and the Bahamas. My milestones were a huge breakthrough.
I was missing a vital piece though. Dealing with unresolved trauma that my brain did a very good job of hiding from me. I was running from more than breakup pain every time a relationship ended. Attachment issues, abandonment issues, and more were sitting on my shoulders along with the rest of the world.
If you’re on your own healing journey at the moment, my advice is to be patient. One thing I’m working on is letting things happen in time, instead of forcing wellness to happen on my schedule. Your heart, body, and mind set the pace. It might take a few months or several years to really get to the root of what’s going on with you. Take your time. Be present in each moment. Breathe.