Starting The Month With Gratitude

Wow, it’s November! Look at this, 2020 is almost over thank goodness! I think all of us are going to breathe a collective sigh of relief on December 31st. This week has been a weird one for me. I had been feeling really tired lately, and then noticed that my jellyfish infection had come back. That thing is out of control, lol. I’ve gone to the doctor, but it seems as though it’s spreading again, so that’s why I haven’t really been updating anything but Twitter. My bad! I’m also apologizing for this post coming so much later in the day. It’s the jellyfish’s fault, not mine! My immune system may be a little annoyed with me, but I did manage to find things to be grateful for this week!

Gratitude for this week

This week, I had fun… on a date! I haven’t really gotten to see much of Orlando because of the pandemic. My date took me to brunch and to see swans at this lake in downtown Orlando because I had mentioned that I used swans in my novel. I didn’t try to touch one or anything, because swans are not nice people, but it was really cool to see both black and white ones and be out in the sunshine on a beautiful day. I haven’t laughed that hard or had that much fun in a while. It was so nice to get out of the house and go on an adventure.

This week I smiled when… I realized I had conquered an unrecognized insecurity. I love doing sweet things for people. I don’t know what it is about it, but I’ll go all out for a holiday or a birthday for a significant other or a best friend. Some sneaky negative feelings weaseled their way into my headspace when I lamented that I didn’t have anyone to do sweet things for at the moment. This is how I know I’m healing. Because not even 10 seconds later, I was like, “Wait, I can do them for myself!” So, I ordered myself some chocolate covered strawberries and balloons from Edible Arrangements, because I can! I forget which day they’re being delivered, which means… I’ve got a surprise coming this week lol! Take that negative thoughts, I’m doing cute things for myself now!

Something I was thankful for this week was the fact that I know exactly what I’m looking for now that I am dating with intention. I’m really glad that I took the time to think about and write out my goals, values, and what I want in a partner. It’s made me understand that every date doesn’t have to end up with me wanting to be in a relationship with that person right away. I can date more than one person at once and take my time. I know what my standards are, and the fact that I’m sticking to them is a reason to pat myself on the back. I don’t feel hopeless or like I need to compromise at all because I keep meeting better and better people. I had no clue about this in my twenties.

Affirmations

Last week’s affirmation, “Everything that is happening is happening for my ultimate good,” was a little difficult to get behind, seeing as I’m sick with a gift that doesn’t seem to want to stop giving, but I kept it in mind and said it out loud. I was all hyped up for Halloween festivities but spent my Halloweekend in bed with a fever, chills, and Lucifer. Oh well! I thought about it, and it was probably safer to be at home instead of the City Walk surrounded by a bunch of people.

I did get to hang out with one of my sergeants from my first duty station from when I was in the Air Force. It was very nice to catch up with her and hear how some of the members of my old office were doing. Life has changed a bunch for everyone. It put things in perspective for me. I wasn’t the only one that had huge life changes. Depression and anxiety make you feel like you’re the only one going through hard times. Having that sort of “a-ha!” moment made me feel more comfortable about dealing with my traumas and setting myself up for happiness on my terms by letting go, forgiving those that had hurt me, and forgiving myself. We all have hard times, it’s just how we react to them that makes or breaks us.

I also participated in my first podcast and had an absolute blast! Good things are happening and I’m welcoming them! It was really nice to connect with another mental health advocate and talk about our issues, goals, and why we want to get our message out there. I will have updates as to when that goes live soon! Another thing that stood out to me was all the messages I received about my last post. It seems like a lot of people could relate to getting hurt by an avoidant person. If you’re in that boat, it’s okay to be hurt, because I’m sure you got blindsided. Keep on improving yourself and work towards healing. You deserve way better, and a more worthwhile person will come along. I promise.

This upcoming week is a pivotal point for Americans. I have some serious anxiety about it, but I’m managing it with deep breaths and green tea. With all that in mind, the affirmation I choose for the week is: I release excess worry.

As far as the election is concerned, I did my part. I voted. The rest of it is out of my control, so as much as my heart wants to keep doing these silly palpitations, the more I tell myself to breathe and relax. It’s not up to me, anymore.

The same goes for my new dating adventures. I got so nervous before the date. I always get so, so nervous for dates, like to the point that I get nauseated. Most people get butterflies in their stomachs. I get a bull rampaging through a china shop in my stomach. Lucky me! A gross but hilarious fact is that I have had to run to the bathroom during dates to puke (or worse!) because of my nervous Nelly stomach in the past.

The best I can do to calm myself is remind myself that I’m not in a life or death situation, drink some tea, and listen to a guided mediation or two or three… or yeah, fifteen. I do yoga and sometimes take a timeout and just lay on my bed doing nothing to let the worries go. Self-care is a must!

Journal Prompts

Let’s do some anxiety journal prompts to go with that affirmation.

The last time you were really worried, what helped you feel more calm?

Is the situation you’re anxious about within your control? Why or why not?

Anxiety does not have complete power over me. I am strong and able to deal with my anxiety because…

I hope that everyone has an excellent and productive week ahead. If you’re going to the polls, I wish you safety and hope you don’t have to stand in line too long. Oh yeah, and watch out for jellyfish!