Wow, Sunday already! I don’t understand how March felt like it took two years to pass, but September and October flew by in under a week. Weird, huh?
Gratitude for the week
This week, I was thankful for all the support I received on my posts about my insecurities. I was genuinely surprised by all the kindness, wisdom, and advice shared on both my blog and on Instagram. Complete strangers sent messages or left comments talking about how much they could relate and how brave they thought I was, which was super encouraging. Thank you so much for that. I was having serious jitters about being so vulnerable on the Internet.
This week I felt empowered when I set all of those insecurities on fire. I don’t know what it was about watching the paper curl up as the flame grew and the smoke rose. It felt like all those little nagging thoughts in the back of my head curled up and burned away, too. When I got inside after burning them, I sat on the floor, took a couple of deep breaths, felt like I was going to cry, but found myself laughing instead. All the empty places in my heart and head were filled with light. An interesting thing about my healing journey is that the more healing I do, the more work I realize needs to be done. Ordinarily, that would be incredibly daunting, and I’d want to give up. The exact opposite is happening. The more work I see that needs to be done, the more excited I am to do it. If I keep this up, by this time next year, I’m going to be the best person I could possibly be. It’s so motivating!
Something funny that happened this week was me finding a snake in the garage. At first, it looked like a hair tie, and I bent down for closer inspection because I’ve never seen a shiny hair tie in my entire life. Then it moved, and I thought I was going to vomit and faint simultaneously. I have a phobia, so this little bitty thing instantly became an anaconda to me. I feared for my life! Literally, I was in tears sprinting to my neighbor’s house for help. Thank goodness for my neighbor. He washed it out with the hose, and then his wife took me to get some mothballs. I didn’t know how strong mothballs smell, so I went HAM spreading them everywhere in the garage and in the bushes around the house. Now the whole house smells, whoops! It was incredibly funny though because I was ready to cut my losses, set the house on fire, and move to Alaska in about half a second. Snakes and I are mortal enemies.
Last week’s affirmation was I persist and persevere – no matter what.
Damn right! I have been hustling all week. It’s been a bit of a chore to cut out carbs and unnecessary sugars, but I’m doing it without too much complaining! Unfortunately, one of the side effects of Seroquel is possibly developing diabetes, because of the increase in blood sugar and the metabolism slow down. In addition to changing my diet, I made sure to get out of my computer chair and get into the garage to lift weights or run and walk my neighborhood. There’s a little retention pond outside my neighborhood, and I like to power walk to it to see the ducks and bunnies. I like to think that we’re becoming friends. They’re so cute, and they’re a great motivator to get out of the house.
I’m also working on a new project that will be available in December, just in time for Christmas! It’s a big book of Self-Care. More details on that soon, so keep an eye out!
Affirmation for this week
The affirmation I’m choosing for this week is:
The past has no power over me.
I’ve been through a lot. Who hasn’t? I think that I will do another burn, but next time, I’ll be setting flame to all of my traumas.
Letting go is an extremely difficult thing for me. I think it’s because as a child that moved every few years, I’d attach myself emotionally to the past. I would not forget the place I lived prior and would long for it. I find myself doing that now years later. I’m emotionally attached to Guam because it was one of the few places I had ever felt safe. I would move back there in a heartbeat. Learning to break that attachment to people and to things has been hard, but I’m doing it. It’s for the best. I learned about my attachment style last month, and I’m doing the work to change.
It’s safe to say, I was/am one of those people that live in the past. I’m that friend that’s always like, “Remember that time we…?” or, “God that was so funny when we….” I have an excellent memory of good laughs and great experiences., or at least I did prior to having ECT.
South Park had a plot with Member Berries in what… 2016? They were these little grape looking purple berries that say, “Member [insert Star Wars thing here]?” And another berry would respond, “Oh yeah, I member!” Lord, those things were so funny until I realized… I’m basically a human member berry! Now that I understand that, I’m working to be a person that learns to enjoy the moment while she’s in it. Reminiscing is fun, yeah, but what’s happening in the here and now is pretty awesome! I can reminisce when I’m super old, now is the time to enjoy everything as it happens!
I’m enjoying each rain drop as it falls, each little victory, and learning from the mistakes I make along the way. The past can’t change, but I can! That’s my mission for this week. Be present and stay present.
I can’t forget about journal prompts for the week ahead. Here we go:
- What are five things I am thankful for today?
- What are five things that I love about myself?
- What are five things I cannot change but can change the way I think about them?
Alright everybody, let’s have a great week! Also, I think it’s too late to register to vote in Florida, but not so much in other states. Please, please, please vote. I don’t care who you’re voting for, just do it because it’s your civic duty.
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