Sunday morning is looking a little cloudy, but I’m waking up alive and well so it’s still a blessing. This week has been more than an emotional roller coaster. It’s been more like bungee jumping down a tube of funhouse mirrors while trying to learn how to ride a unicycle. You figure that out. It was a lot. I had to dig deep for gratitude. There were a lot of times that I was not okay, but instead of breaking down, I remembered my affirmation: It’s okay not to be okay.
It was enough for me to take some deep breaths and start over when I got frustrated. There were missed meetings, crossed wires, and lots of Door Dash deliveries lol. I started my Victim Advocacy certification class, and some of the material was extremely triggering. At first, I was upset that there were all these protections for victims that I had no clue about. The scary and almost fatal situation I was in during college could have ended up much differently had I been educated on Victim’s Rights. There is so much legislation out there to protect victims from their perpetrator, as well as get them to counseling, medical care, and more. There is even compensation available if the victim has to miss work because of what happened to them. I was very upset, because I needed all of that. It took a little while to accept that I and countless others have no clue about any of that. The police officers that were supposed to help me were not exactly forthright about anything. It’s a good that I learned because now I can help others. Education and prevention are my new goals now. Let’s get into the things that I was extremely grateful for during this crazy, crazy week.
Something about this week that I’ll always want to remember… getting my book back from an editor. She got the editing done faster than the time allotted to review and copywrite it because she said couldn’t put it down. The way she complimented the book and the excitement she showed caused me to cry some really happy tears. I’ve been nervous about The Girl in the Mural because it’s my first attempt at writing a story. I didn’t expect it to be received so well.
Something interesting that happened this week… I spoke to my younger brother at length about our childhoods. It’s kind of a topic we avoid unless we’re joking about funny things. It was nice to be validated by him. There are times where I’m wondering if I made it all up or am misremembering things. He also brought his perspective to help me try to accept some stuff that I have a hard time living with at times.
Something good I saw someone do this week was…. Well, it was not necessarily seeing, but my mom made an effort to be more understanding of my traumas and issues. My parents and I had a family therapy session, and she was the voice of reason many times. She also comforted me through a mild breakdown that evening and congratulated me on the book yesterday. Things may not be perfect with my parents and me, but we’re trying and that’s what matters.
This Week’s Affirmation
“I accept and release everything in my life that is beyond my power to change.”
I chose this affirmation because I want this week to be about radical self-acceptance. Radical self-acceptance is the concept that we accept that we can’t change certain situations with our whole mind, body, and spirit.
For me, that means accepting that there are certain relationships that I cannot fix, because the other person is who they are. I can’t change another person, but what I can change is whether or not I interact with them or how I let their actions affect me. Letting go of their power over me, like the ability to irritate or infuriate me.
Another thing I can’t change is my past. I don’t have to like it, but I’m accepting it. The Victim Advocacy class brings up a lot of painful memories. I accept that the trauma happened, but I also have a better understanding and more empathy to the people I’ll be helping once certified. Accepting what happened to me was very difficult prior to last year. I was in denial that awful things could’ve happened to me, and I think that was why I would have so many nightmares and panic so often. Accepting it, plus getting the right combination of medication, has made quite an impact on my well-being. I let go and released the anger and denial.
This Week’s Journal Prompts for Self-Acceptance
Radical self-acceptance is also one of the concepts in the Breakup Recovery 30-day Printable Journal that I will be releasing this week. Learning to accept and let go is the most difficult part of a breakup that you’re not expecting. I know that from personal experience. In the moment your heart breaks, it feels like you don’t know the person that you loved. The journal walks the reader through the steps that I took to accept and let go. Keep an eye out for it!
What have you learned from one of the biggest mistakes you think you’ve made this year?
Something that I’ve learned about myself during the quarantine.
Describe a situation that bothers you that you can’t change? What do you need to do to let go and move on?
The week ahead means that I’m getting discharged from Group Therapy. Score! I’m looking forward to having a few more hours to myself to work. I need to get to exercising, I’ve fallen off. And thanks to my good buddy Seroquel and its friend, The Munchies, I need to get back to running. There’s this thing a called the Quelly Belly (yes, I just made that up) but it’s annoying and unavoidable. Seroquel packs on the pounds by slowing down the ol’ metabolism. Running has also been an exercise in mindfulness, because I have to concentrate on breathing and pacing myself well. I’m also going to be re-releasing my novel soon. Now that it’s all pretty and edited, I feel like it’s ready for the public. If you know any book bloggers out there than want to read and leave a review, leave a comment below!
Have a wonderful week!