I wrote an open letter to my trauma anniversaries. I’ve done a lot of growing and inner work in the last year. Thankfully, I am a better and stronger person now. To my trauma anniversaries, Each month of every year, I am paralyzed by you. The anniversaries have stacked up quite a bit over the last thirty years. Every few weeks, a new anniversary creeps from its hiding place in my mind, down my central nervous system, and has life breathed into it again. Many times, I don’t know what it is that has me anxious, angry, and depressed until I look at a calendar. When I put two and two ...
lessons
Finding my power and purpose
My life changed this past 4th of July weekend. Last year I was waiting for my fiancé to come home and worrying about fireworks triggering my PTSD. This year, I was single, living with my parents, and devising an impulsive plot to take my life because I couldn't handle reality any longer. What a difference a year makes. Luckily, I wasn't successful in my suicide attempt. Instead, I gained perspective and learned much-needed life lessons. Before, I felt I had little going for me aside from the prospect of marriage. I was so excited and built my whole world around it. Here's ...
Healing Journey – Part 2
I’m back from the Bahamas! I am refreshed, rejuvenated, and reinvigorated. My travel post about my Bahamian adventures goes up Wednesday this week. On to the healing! Armed with a pen, journal, and a self-help book, I worked on myself. I prioritized moments that were purely for me and my well-being. I took advice from one of the greatest Disney movies ever made. I let go of everything. Past hurts, traumas, feeling used, confusion and anger at being lied to for so long, and not getting what I know I earned. I let it go. During my trip, I analyzed and began to understand why I’ve always ...
Challenge 2
My blog has not been getting the attention that I gave it at the beginning. But I have a great reason as to why! I just finished my Master’s class with a shiny new A as my final grade! Not bad for having a surprise vacation right in the middle of it. Anywhoo, now that that’s done, I’m going to try and go through the VA to continue taking classes. I survive on disability, so having more than half of it go to one class was quite the gut punch financially. It may take a little longer to complete, but I’m okay with that. At least I know I can do it, and I don’t think about myself as critically ...
This Summer
I have to talk about this summer. Have to. I spent the majority of the summer by myself. It was partly by choice, and partly because my fiancé has been off-island for work. My roommate and I have been thick as thieves, but now he’s gone, too! My goofball is getting back very soon, and he’s coming home to a different woman because of all the time I spent with myself. I should be a hand model! I gotta say, this was the best summer ever. I feel like I finally got my shit together. I did some soul searching. I got to know myself. I did a lot of reading, yoga, exercising. I feel great. I ...
